awkward (i love this word)

i apologize to you if i don’t seem real eager to jump into a forced, awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. i don’t like the feeling, you’re sitting there, you’re wondering, “do i have food on my face? am i eating? am i talking too much? are they talking enough? am i interested? i’m not really interested. should i play like i’m interested? but i’m not that interested, but i think she might be interested. but do i want to be interested? but now she’s not interested” so now, all of sudden i’m… i'm starting to get interested.
…and when am i supposed to kiss her? do i have to wait for the door? ‘cause then it’s awkward, it’s like: “well, good night” or do you go right in and kiss her on the lips, or don’t kiss her at all? it’s very difficult trying to read the situation, and all the while you’re just really wondering: “are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions?”

*y volverme a enredar en mis malos pensamientos.